Stupid me.
I had thought my next blog would be about something a bit more cheerful than this but this just proves I’m in such a bad period. :s Almost like the one when my ex broke up or last time I dropped out of an education >.<
Talking about that I am considering dropping out from Uni, because it’s just so hard and when my heart isn’t in it, it’s just making it even more difficult. I still need to tell my parents about the AS and the rest of my family.
Mum told me yesterday that she and dad are not going to be disappointed, if I do drop out – Why can’t I just believe it? /: She has given me no reason to, that’s why. Wish I could count on their support.
On the last couple of days, I have been so damn scared I would lose someone because of the way I can’t seem to treat my girlfriends properly. Tonight one of them proved that fear to be correct and very possible. When I told her she just needed to tell me if she wanted it to stop, she didn’t protest. So I guess it’s quite likely.. She was disappointed with my behavior and I can only say she was right. I know I’m an awful friend to her. I’m demanding, childish, mean, cold and bitchy. I do not deserve her in my life.
People keep telling me I do deserve friends, but I can’t help but feeling like I don’t. If I did, then God would’ve created me without AS and social blindness.. -.-
We had this huge fight, she told me things like she never has before. It was like it wasn’t her. I had never thought she could say things like that. It broke my heart, simply because she was right: nothing to say against it.
I can’t say or do anything.. I love you so much, but it’s up to you – I’ll not blame you if you chose to stop here..
xx
