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Hi everyone <3



I have this feeling inside, that won’t go away. It’s a feeling that is hard to describe, but I’ll give it a try anyway.

It feels like someone came in with a hammer and shattered the little glass thing I called my future.  I feel like a small furry animal that has been burned by the fire.  I’m surprised, more like chocked. I feel like my trust in people is really being tested again, this time being about the 4^th time for real. And it only gets harder and harder to deal with..

I’m scared, it’s not going to be worth it to try and trust anyone with my love again. I gave away the most precious thing I could for someone to take care of, and it ended up being broken again. How can I trust someone to take proper care of it?

My sense of reason tells me that of course I can trust you, but deep down in my heart, I know that it’s going to take a long time before I will bear myself like that to you again.. it kills me to have to say this, but it’s true.

I know it’s technically not your fault, but I really thought you’d be the last person to ever hurt me. Yet you ended up being the one hurting me the most.. You think it’s weird now, and I hate that! In my head you’re so special, but I’m not that special to you anymore. I keep thinking I want you here to hug me, but I know won’t want you to, if you actually were here..

I’m embarrassed with myself for feeling like this still. I should accept it, but it’s difficult for me /: But as I said yesterday, it should pass at some point. It has to.

There’s one good thing I got out of this. I now have my New Year’s Resolution: Never, under any circumstances am I to have anything going on with a person who’s my friend to begin with. Ever. Not despite how right it might feel, it’s not, I know out of bitter experience