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Hi everyone! :D

I had a small problem with my computer yesterday, so I never got to update as I promised I would. Well, now I'm up and running again, so I want to try and run through what happened in the past 2.5 months. ^^ 

As I already mentioned, I got sick on the very day of the premiere of THVloggers. Which meant this sucky video.

So if you should have any doubts, that's what I look like xD

The next few weeks, it sucked so bad, because I was sick all the time!! 


 

My second video turned out to be a bit better ^^  But the lighting was awful. Anyway, TH's album was out and I just got addicted right away. Like I said, it's so amazing! Blew me away!
And within about two weeks after that video was posted, we finally got the news we all had been waiting for since March 2008!





And I'm going!!
Of course I'm going! There were some problems in that area, but luckily my dad stepped in and helped me, so now I'm going to the one in Stockholm on the March 4th as well *flails*
I have no words to describe how I feel and how amazing this is! I missed being at a concert, the fans in the queue, seing the boys in action, doing what they love the most and being able to scream, act completely insane and cry.
I can't wait to see Tom and sing along to all of the amazing new songs :D

Most of all, I look so much forward to seing all my girls very soon!

Anyway, I'm off for now.
Bye! *waves*

Hi guys :D

I know I've been so sucky with my blog lately and I feel so bad about not updating in so long. The thing is I've been insanely busy and so many stuff happened, I have really had no time to keep following and updates. s:

So now, I spoke to my good friend Jeanette (http://jeanettejewel.blogg.se/) and she decided to help me out with a new layout to inspire me to keep the updates coming.
Tomorrow I will do my very best to update as much as possible without making it boring *giggles* 

I'm so grateful for her helping me out with this ^^ I guess she wants me to get my ass moving on the blogging xD
So I just want to show you all the amazing layout :D <3 Please come and check out the updates soon ^^

I have been so sloppy with my blog lately. I have just had so much to deal with and I apologize for that. The past week I’ve been really sick, with a fever, huge headaches and being cold.

It started on the day of Humanoid’s release, which was also the day I was supposed to post my first video-blog for THVloggers. And it hasn’t really stopped yet..

I am a part of a new vlogging project since I didn't get chosen to be a part of 5GirlsDk. But my friend Pipper started this project where 7 TH fans vlog once a week and I have Fridays ^^ 
This is our channel: http://www.youtube.com/thvloggers 
Check it out and don't forget to subscribe ;D

So annoying since tomorrow I’m supposed to go to my sister’s birthday. But I hope tomorrow, my painkillers will finally work o.o
I plan to bring a camera to take lots of pictures and stuff to show you later ^^ 

I had thought my next blog would be about something a bit more cheerful than this but this just proves I’m in such a bad period. :s Almost like the one when my ex broke up or last time I dropped out of an education >.<

Talking about that I am considering dropping out from Uni, because it’s just so hard and when my heart isn’t in it, it’s just making it even more difficult. I still need to tell my parents about the AS and the rest of my family.

Mum told me yesterday that she and dad are not going to be disappointed, if I do drop out – Why can’t I just believe it? /: She has given me no reason to, that’s why. Wish I could count on their support.

On the last couple of days, I have been so damn scared I would lose someone because of the way I can’t seem to treat my girlfriends properly. Tonight one of them proved that fear to be correct and very possible. When I told her she just needed to tell me if she wanted it to stop, she didn’t protest. So I guess it’s quite likely.. She was disappointed with my behavior and I can only say she was right. I know I’m an awful friend to her. I’m demanding, childish, mean, cold and bitchy. I do not deserve her in my life.

People keep telling me I do deserve friends, but I can’t help but feeling like I don’t. If I did, then God would’ve created me without AS and social blindness.. -.-

We had this huge fight, she told me things like she never has before. It was like it wasn’t her. I had never thought she could say things like that. It broke my heart, simply because she was right: nothing to say against it.   

I can’t say or do anything.. I love you so much, but it’s up to you – I’ll not blame you if you chose to stop here..

xx

Hello.

I need to say something and because everyone is asleep, I’m going to say it here. It’s 2 in the morning and right now, I feel awful. It’s bad.. Seriously if I had been at home alone, I would’ve done something with a razor, that’s so stupid :s

Today I got sort of a wake-up call. My friend was upset and I totally acted like a bitch, telling her she was acting childish and all sorts of stuff. Because I didn’t understand why she was that upset.

Surely if I had been in her shoes this weekend I would’ve cried like someone hit me or something. The thing is she went to Cologne to see Tokio Hotel this weekend. I really want to be happy and excited for her.. I just can’t. This is where the childishness in me comes out. I can’t help feeling anyone going to see them don’t deserve to, because I haven’t been to a concert or anything on almost two years.

My friend texted me saying she was feeling awful and I was cold and bitchy. In the end she wrote “Fuck you, you don’t care about me” and I got annoyed because it’s not true! Really it isn’t!

I told her if she really believed that I wasn’t going to stop her. After a while I felt bad and told her she really means a lot to me and that I love her so much. By then she told me she didn’t believe me.

Got me thinking.
The reasons I act all bitchy and cold sometimes is not because I am a bitch or because I want to. It’s simply my way of dealing with too much emotion or emotions I don’t understand. I have Asperger’s syndrome, it’s one of the ways it shows on me. – That’s why my sister keeps telling me I’m selfish and manipulative.

I might act weird and stuff, but it isn’t always something I am doing on purpose. Most of the times I can’t help it. This episode just made me think. What if my friend is not taking this into account? It’s all quite new and maybe ppl don’t think about it too much.

I don’t have too many friends who really mean a lot to me. What if I was to lose one of them because of the AS? Because of my behavior? Of something I’m not in control of?
Later I tried to explain this to her, but I’m not exactly sure how it went.. I don’t want to seem like the girl who can’t take responsibility, I feel like it's all my own fault..

I really, really love this girl. She means more to me than I can ever explain and I get frustrated when I find she doesn’t believe me. I get aggressive, when I get frustrated -.-
I can’t lose her. I told her the truth when I said I couldn’t ever live without her. We might upset each other but it doesn’t matter because she’s one of the few ppl who understand me. I wish to god I can somehow find a way to tell her I’m serious and that I’m not going anywhere. I just got so scared when she told me she didn’t believe me. The day one of us doesn’t trust the other it’s over.. No reason to continue. >.<

WHAT A DAMN SCARY THOUGHT!
Not only concerning my friendship with her, but my other friends as well. What if one day they get enough and just.. leave?

Hello again ^^ 

I just wanted to let you all know I had an awesome day yesterday :D

Well, the day started off as bad as usual (I have the biggest problems with getting out of bed) but when I got to school I was relieved to talk to my group and tell them about the AS. They all said it was alright and that of course they will all take it into account when it comes to what we all have to do in this project.

They sat afterwards and talked to me about me just finding out and how the AS affects me. So considerate and sweet. I’m so happy I told them so soon. I felt they needed to know asap even though I haven’t been diagnosed by a psychiatrist yet.

Now I need to talk to my parents, but not yet. Not ready.. /:

I got off early and went to meet my dad, sister and mum in town.  We walked around for a bit and at Sunset I said I have been thinking about borrowing money from my bank to buy a minicomputer. So afterwards i went to call my bank and my adviser said to go ahead :D

Then dad and I went everywhere to get one and finally we found the one I wanted later and I bought it immidiately. :P I am now the lucky owner of this baby:



I’m so happy I got it. It’s amazing and I love writing on it ^^  and it’s perfect for school and when I’m bringing a computer somewhere other than at home. :D

I’m off again, baibai *waves* 

Canni xx

*jumps in* hii! :D

Right so I have some updates on the whole “I might have Asperger’s”-thing. It seems very likely that I do, since I have almost every symptom and I’ve shown them very clearly ever since I was three years old. 
I’m not going to sit here and make a list, because nobody wants to read it and it takes forever so xD

I went to see my psychologist Monday and when I told her what I found out, she said she had been thinking about that for some time and that I should call my doctor to get an appointment asap. So I did and that appointment was today.

He agreed no doubt and he told me he’d contact a psychiatrist at the hospital in town and have him/her make an appointment asap. So it’s official. I do have Asperger’s and as soon as I get diagnosed I’ll be able to get some help.

I think I’m going to have to talk to my group at school tomorrow. And to someone at school who will be able to help. I need some things, planning and stuff so maybe they’ll be able to help ^^

I just wanted you to know :D

Bye
Canni xx

Hi guys ^^ 

I’ve been so sloppy with my blog lately. Things have been kind of stressed since I just started Uni in Aalborg. Tuesday the 1^st of September I went to start and didn’t come home until it was half past 4 am and I had to go again half an hour later. A party for all the first years; I went home early to get some sleep.

Have always had a problem with being ‘on’ for a long time. It’s hard for me to relax when I’m in public so that wasn’t all fun. It was quite nice in the end, but I needed sleep.

Wednesday I had a lecture for three hours. A huge wave of information; I can’t even remember half most likely -.-

Then later when I got home I went to see my sister. We got to talk about something my psychiatrist told me last time I was in session. She told me I’m younger mentally than psysically. Basically I act like I’m 16-17 years old. Sometimes even younger, which will explain why I’m often told I act immaturely.

My sister then told me she had thought of something which might fit on my situation. She had heard about Agperger’s Syndrome a long time ago in connection with her edcation and she then went to look at information about it.
Apparently she was afraid of my reaction which is why she didn’t tell me when she read it. I then suggested we googled it and when I read that, I was almost in chock. Seriously, everything exept maybe two things fits on me. O_O

It explains so much and I’m kind of relieved to know. But I have no clue how my parents couldn’t see this. I have just about every symptom (starting from when I was 3 years old) and still nobody ever thought of mentioning it.
Mum is educated to know this stuff, how can she not know?! Ô

Scary how I actually have to figure this out on my own, when most cases of Asperger’s are discovered when the child is in kindergarden O_o

I know for a fact that mum is embarrased with me in other areas but is she really that embarrasted, that she’ll keep something from her daughter, which is gonna cause her so many truobles? :s Is that really my mum?!

Well, I have to say, I don’t know for sure if that’s it. I need to have my psychiatrist diagnose me and I’m not meeting her until this Monday. O.o

I’m so stressed out about school and this thing. Thursday we had another lecture, and I had to give up in the end, cause I didn’t understand anything -.- Friday I thought we were off, but I had to go to a meeting with my group. When I finally got off for a nice long weekend, I was so relieved. (Really you’re not supposed to feel like that when it’s just 4 days since you started >.<

Anyway now I am with my friend Jeanette and we’re having a great time ^^ Needed some time away from home and since it’s been ages since we spend any time together, I came down here for the weekend :P

We’re doing ffs and just relaxing atm. I have a lot to write so I’ll be off now :P 

See you guys later

Canni xx

I have a lot to tell, since I haven't blogged at all in the week I spend in Copenhagen. I had the best time I've had in a long long time and we had a lot of fun ^^

She came to pick me up and as soon as we saw each other we started talking and it practically didn't stop until I had to go home xD

We watched the newest Tokio Hotel DVD, Caught on Camera and I just loved it. That was my first time watching it, which is kind of bad since it's been out a long time.

It was so great I had to get is myself. The next day we went shopping in Copenhagen and we found it in this huge store with tons of music and DVDs. It was the last one so of course I bought it. I also bought 3 T-shirts. ^^ (I'll show you later)

Monday we went to some hairdressers to find out some prizes. Marie wanted her hair done and we found one and booked an appointment. ^^ 

I had been talking about dying my hair blond or at least getting blond stripes. So we went to this hairdresser and I had that done. It was a huge bit more expensive than I expected, but I love it so I don't care :D everybody but my mum loves it and says it's so much prettier than before :P 

The rest of the time we spend relaxing at home with the great entertaiment of the Danish Jazzband - Jazz Nødderne xD They're genius! And so hilarious.

I got home at about 6 pm and by then I was exhausted. The train ride home hadn't been as long as I feared it would feel. I was very productive, I got something written and it turned out really good :D

**

Just to make this post even longer, I'm gonna tell you about Friday night. My sister, our cousin, our friend and me went out. We sat in my friend's house and listened to music having a few drinks. We always to that, because she's so great at doing hair and makeup ^^

When we looked our best, we went to the local bar, where there was this Norwegian guy, who came on to me O_O Have no idea why. So creepy. He was really drunk and old! He wouldn't leave me alone. I kept telling him I was a girlfriend (as I usually do, when I wanna get rid of someone) but he didn't listen.

In the end a guy called Jesper came to my rescue and pretendend to be with me. We had to make out TWICE before he understood O_O

The Norwegian got kicked out and Jesper ordered me a drink. I somehow ended up at his table with his friends. Honestly I was insanely drunk xD

I had three tequila shots and normally I don't even drink tequila xD I also had somersby, beer, morgan&coke and piῆa colada O_O

So you can imagine how I felt yesterday x_x

But I wanns say, I had a great time and it was so much fun :D

Goodmorning everyone :D

I'm so exhausted right now; it's 8.16 and I haven't slept too well.. but I don't care :P I'm so excited, because I'm going to Copehagen today to see one of my best friends :D <3

She came to visit me in May and I hav really missed her since she went home. It was so weird, I didn't even know I was going, when I got up yesterday :P I had some stuff to do before I could say anything about going. After some problems, they solved themselves and I don't have anything to do about that anymore. I might as well spend time with someone I enjoy talking to ^^

I can't wait to see her :D

Before leaving, I need to cancel my "school" this week. And I have an appointment to reschedule. I'm gonna tell them it's an emergency or something. :P

My dad is coming to pick me up in 40 minutes and still need to pack the last things, perfect my outfit, get make-up on, lenses on and perhaps have some breakfast xD

I just wanted to let you know. I'm gonna be over there for a week or something and I'll blog if I get the chance ^^

See you guys. Have a lovely week *waves*  <3

xoxo

Canni xx

---

This is my new blog, which I already love ^^ I owe it all to JeanetteJewel, who is the brains behind the layout :P

Now, everybody can see what I have to say (I've had problems with LJ before). I'm very happy with the way it turned out :D

So everybody, welcome to my blog : D

100 Truths:

001. Real name: Carina -_-
002. Nickname(s): Canni
003. Status: Currently single xD
004. Zodiac sign: Saggittarius.
005. Male or female: Female.
006. Religion: Christian.
007. Elementary: Nibe skole.
008. Middle School: The same ^
009. High School: Støvring Gymnasium.
010. Hair color: Brown.
011. Eye color: Grey/blue.
012. Loud or Quiet? Quiet.
013. Sweats or Jeans? Sweats.
014. Phone or Camera? Phone.
015. Health freak? No. I ought to be.
016. Favorite Physical Quality: My eyes.  
017. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes, I think? :i
018. Eat or Drink? Drink.
020. Tattoos: Not yet, but I really want one. Or 5 xD
021. Water or Fire? Fire.
022. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars? Love of my life.
023. First fear: Spiders.
024. First best friend: Annesophie.
025. First award: Can't remember.
026. First crush - Real crush? René, I guess :P
027. First pet: I guess, either my rabbit or my bird.
028. First big vacation: Mandal, Norway for a Week.
029. First big birthday: Always had big birthdays.
030. Brothers: None.
031. Sisters: Two. Kathleen(+) Camilla (+)
033. Favorite Dessert: Chocolate.
034. Favorite toy in your house: My Disney Trivial Persuit game. Or.. my ‘special' toy xD
035. Favorite tv-show: Right now it has to be Hollyoaks. With the storyline of the lovely John Paul McQueen & the gorgeous Craig Dean ^^
036. Favorite Season: Spring.
037. Favorite Flower(s): Rose.
038. Favorite Spice: Barbeque?
039. Pancakes or Waffles? Pancakes for sure!
040. Left- or Righthanded? Righthanded.
041. Ever been kissed? Oh yes.
042. How many relationships have you been in? Just one.
043. Silver or Gold? Silver.
044. Favorite movie? Harry Potter & the half blood Prince and Angels& Demons.
045. Desktop or laptop? Laptop, for sure.
046. Ever been out of the country? I have.
047. Where? Spain, France, Norway, Sweden, Germany..
048. Big City or Small town? I live in a small town, but I'd love to move to a big city.
049. Favorite Food type: Home made. 
050. Favorite Drink: Pepsi Max.
051. Dogs or Cats-allergy? Yes, I'm afraid s;
052. I'm about to: Look for a picture.
053. Listening to: Atomic Kitten - You are.
054. Plans for today: Find more stuff to post on the blog, listen to music, spam all over Thus, try not to freak out again..
055. Waiting for? My sister to give birth.
056. Your Height: 154 cm -_-‘
057. Contacts or Glasses? Both.
058. Want kids? I might.
059. Want to get married? I'd love to, if it feels right.
060. Careers in mind: Journalism, writing, owning a bookshop?
061. Rain or Snow? Rain. I love to walk in the rain.
062. Gloves or Mittens? Both.
063. Favorite Girl's Names: Mackenzie, Mati, Taylor, Rose, Kim, Zoe, Hannah..
064. Favorite Boy's Names: Lucas, Daniel, Nicolas, Mark..
065. Believe in Magic? Yes.
066. Soda, Pop, or Coke? Coke.
067. Favorite band? Tokio Hotel. And atm I'm crazy about Westlife as well so.. :P
068. Prefer lips or eyes? Depends, but I'd have to say both, then.
069. Great body or great personality? Great personality.
070. Do you want to be shorter or taller? Taller, for sure.
071. Favorite actor/actress: I adore guy Burnet so much, just because he's hot as hell! And also Tom Felton and Rupert Grint ^^
072. Romantic or spontaneous? Spontaneousness can be romantic.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms? Nice stomach.
074. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive.
075. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship.
076. Should you be friends first or date first? Friends, I think.
077. Trouble maker or hesitant? A bit of both.
078. Do you have a phobia? I'm dead scared of spiders O_O if I see one my reaction is likely to be a panicattack Oo  
079. Favorite Board Game? Trivial Pershuit.
080. Lost glasses/contacts? Yes.
082. Hold a gun/knife for defense? Never.
083. Killed someone? Gawd, I hope not?
084. Heartbroken? Yes..
085. Been arrested? Never.
086. Done anything illegal? Yes.
087. Cried when someone died? Do films count?
088. Cried by yourself? Yes.
089. Laughed till you cried? Many times.
090. Believe in miracles? Yes :D
091. Believe in love at first sight? Yes, and I always will.
092. Heaven? Definately!
093. Santa Claus? Oh yes!
094. Say 'I Love you' on the first date? Nope.
095. Kiss on the first date? Depends, but I never have.
096. Hold hands on the first date? I love holding hands, so why not? :P
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes, oh fuck yes!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? No, not at all..
099. Do you believe in God? I believe in God.
100. What's your favorite song at the moment? "I am" by Hilary Duff <3

That's me, I hope you had fun getting to know me a bit better. It's quite likely I'll post more of these things. Because I love answering questions :D

Anyway, I'll stop now. See you guys later.

xoxo

Canni xx